One Year Ago

One year ago, I was arriving in New Delhi...an adventure of two years planning just beginning. I have been home a bit over nine months and am awed by where I am in my life. I am unemployed - believe me, had someone "told" me I would not find a job fairly quickly upon returning, I might not have come back so soon. I was working at a challenging placement, appreciated for what I brought every day, and while the country and city were difficult at times, I think I would have stayed. Other options might have included other travel in India, more time in Japan, another CCS placement in another country, etc. etc. etc.

Instead, I have written countless resumes and cover letters, been told "no thanks" many times. I never dreamed how hard this would be on my perspective of myself. Coming out of India, I was on top of the world. I felt valuable and strong. I truly felt I had "something" to give to an employer. But no...it can be hard for a jack-of-all-trades.

On the plus side, I volunteer at Food Lifeline, Driftwood Players (in the office and the lighting work I do love). These are "gap" fillers. Unfortunately, I have gained weight back (not all) that I lost last year...I have pretty much had to give up yoga (other than a home practice), massage, Weight Watchers rejoin, and many other "perks". I bring in a little money cleaning house for a friend. It helps pay the COBRA. I just finished Camp Logistics Crew for the Breast Cancer 3-day in Seattle (hard but gratifying work)

The list of "stuff" I have not done in nine months is longer than I would like. I have not worked on photographs much (the art end), read less than I expected, not gotten into a strong "sitting" practice, and have spent way way too much time on Facebook and Twitter. They have become my social connections where I can keep track of people I worked with in India. Those young people have gone on to school, more travels (soooo jealous)and their lives. I have "mentored" several new CCS'rs and prospective volunteers and followed their journeys in India.

So, now what? I will celebrate my 10th anniversary early this October, I am planning on rejoining Weight Watchers and will start on some acupuncture for my sore places soon. I am taking a few yoga classes and will add that back with or without a job. The next few months will focus on self care and self improvement. Yes, I will still be looking for a job, but I am going to get off the computer and start appearing in offices and talking to people. I really can't sell what I have to offer on a piece of paper.

My perfect job would be about 32 hours a week, probably with either a nonprofit or a daycare center. I want to make things better in some way for someone somewhere - no matter how small. The thought of a cubicle for 40 hours is not where I want to be - though I would take it right now for the money and skill building it might offer. I prefer to be up and about. Travel- oh how I wish- maybe someday again - Peru is now calling - Machu Pichu; Australia - I have several people living there and would love to see this interesting land (along with New Zealand).

So, somewhat battered and bowed - I will go on...I always do...India was a miracle in my life and I have to find a way, on the bad days, to believe there are more adventures for me. What I am good at is "trying again tomorrow". It is harder some days than others, but I will keep trying. I am again wearing my bracelet "Leap and the net will appear" - I just don't know where or when.

Wish me luck!