One Year Ago

One year ago, I was arriving in New Delhi...an adventure of two years planning just beginning. I have been home a bit over nine months and am awed by where I am in my life. I am unemployed - believe me, had someone "told" me I would not find a job fairly quickly upon returning, I might not have come back so soon. I was working at a challenging placement, appreciated for what I brought every day, and while the country and city were difficult at times, I think I would have stayed. Other options might have included other travel in India, more time in Japan, another CCS placement in another country, etc. etc. etc.

Instead, I have written countless resumes and cover letters, been told "no thanks" many times. I never dreamed how hard this would be on my perspective of myself. Coming out of India, I was on top of the world. I felt valuable and strong. I truly felt I had "something" to give to an employer. But no...it can be hard for a jack-of-all-trades.

On the plus side, I volunteer at Food Lifeline, Driftwood Players (in the office and the lighting work I do love). These are "gap" fillers. Unfortunately, I have gained weight back (not all) that I lost last year...I have pretty much had to give up yoga (other than a home practice), massage, Weight Watchers rejoin, and many other "perks". I bring in a little money cleaning house for a friend. It helps pay the COBRA. I just finished Camp Logistics Crew for the Breast Cancer 3-day in Seattle (hard but gratifying work)

The list of "stuff" I have not done in nine months is longer than I would like. I have not worked on photographs much (the art end), read less than I expected, not gotten into a strong "sitting" practice, and have spent way way too much time on Facebook and Twitter. They have become my social connections where I can keep track of people I worked with in India. Those young people have gone on to school, more travels (soooo jealous)and their lives. I have "mentored" several new CCS'rs and prospective volunteers and followed their journeys in India.

So, now what? I will celebrate my 10th anniversary early this October, I am planning on rejoining Weight Watchers and will start on some acupuncture for my sore places soon. I am taking a few yoga classes and will add that back with or without a job. The next few months will focus on self care and self improvement. Yes, I will still be looking for a job, but I am going to get off the computer and start appearing in offices and talking to people. I really can't sell what I have to offer on a piece of paper.

My perfect job would be about 32 hours a week, probably with either a nonprofit or a daycare center. I want to make things better in some way for someone somewhere - no matter how small. The thought of a cubicle for 40 hours is not where I want to be - though I would take it right now for the money and skill building it might offer. I prefer to be up and about. Travel- oh how I wish- maybe someday again - Peru is now calling - Machu Pichu; Australia - I have several people living there and would love to see this interesting land (along with New Zealand).

So, somewhat battered and bowed - I will go on...I always do...India was a miracle in my life and I have to find a way, on the bad days, to believe there are more adventures for me. What I am good at is "trying again tomorrow". It is harder some days than others, but I will keep trying. I am again wearing my bracelet "Leap and the net will appear" - I just don't know where or when.

Wish me luck!

Readjustment and Moving On

 

It has now been two weeks. I no longer try to get into the car on the left passenger side, back seat. I don't wake up in my own bedroom and not "know" where I am. Grocery stores do not seem "too full" but I am happier and more at ease in a local mixed-culture grocery - less stuff, familiar names, etc. Unfortunately, I have yet to find "Hide and Seek" cookies or burfi (though I have found a store a long way south in Kent that specializes in Indian sweets. Western food still seems bland and I do make some "out-of-the-box" Indian food.

I miss the color, the warmth (I am always cold right now), and the feeling of belonging. Many friends ask if I am going back...I really can't answer that...there is so much of the world I want to see. What I can say is that just being a tourist probably won't work well for me. I have seen a country more in-depth and would love to have that experience again, whether in India or one of many countries on my "bucket list".

I find I have lost a lot of the Hindi quite quickly- I was starting to hear it in my head and now, of course with having had Japanese and English in there...it is fading.

I remember telling CCS at our closing meeting, that I could only hope to find a job that gave me 1/10th the satisfaction working with Mobile Creches did. This is a strong guideline in my search for something that I hope will become more than just a paycheck.

With my computer happy again, pictures will start appearing and I hope to have some to share shortly.

I miss the sun, not the pollution, and am really quite done with snow - be careful what you ask for - there were 3+ inches more last night...

There have been several possible positions. I don't feel ready to work 40 hours but my checkbook says otherwise! I still have many people to catch up with. Surfing the web takes up lots of time, but it is also a portal to possible jobs.

I have joined Facebook and found many friends from India there. I also find myself watching YouTube videos of traffic in Delhi. The picture above is one Jessica took of me dancing at "Excite" in McCloud Ganj one night. No pose- I never knew it was taken til she showed it to me.

In the process of moving forward, I have signed up to crew the Seattle Susan G. Komen 3-Day event walk for Breast Cancer in mid-September. I walked this about eight years ago, but with the desire to help more than personal achievement, I will crew it (that is help the walkers, feed them, set up tents, rest stations, whatever is needed for the three days they walk. I am not required to fund raise for this but, of course, donations will be welcome at http://www.the3day.org/

I am designing lights for Driftwood Players "Our Town" which opens in February.

 

Cliff and I have adopted an eight-month-old corgi puppy also. His name is Zack and he is a tricolor. By starting with an eight-month-old we are hoping to side step some potty training and chewing issues. It has been my long-time wish to add another dog to our family. He is bright and tries hard. Duffy is a bit "put out" but they are sleeping with bums touching as I write.

I have avoided resolutions and "goals" in '09. I am trying to keep in touch with what I found in India and gently expand my horizons. Keeping in touch with friends and those I have come to know and love will carry more weight with me now than all the "stuff" in the stores ever could.

I also am cleaning and organizing - to make room in my life for new things. It is truly amazing to me how much "accumulates" in a relatively clean house!

So, ....I may post less often; of course, life might not be as interesting day-to-day - or maybe it will. Whether you are staying subscribed or deciding just to visit occasionally- thank you for supporting me in this venture -many of you let me know you were reading, worrying, rejoicing with me. Be well - be happy - be grateful - always. Here's to the journey. Family, friends and acquaintances are gifts I am grateful for. Here's to '09!